violent children

Violent child

DR GITA MATHAI

The media seem to be overflowing with tales of violence. There are stories on robbery, kidnapping, rape and murder. While such crimes have become more visible now, the truth is that they have always been around. What is worrying is the rise in violent crimes committed by children and adolescents all over the world, not just in India. The middle class and the rich of this country like to think that such crimes are only committed by the economically disadvantaged and that “their children” are safe in “good” private schools. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The wealthy are just better at concealing the incidents, hushing them up and paying off the victims. Now, however, that is no longer the case. Under increased media glare, the crimes get exposed even if the criminal is rich, well connected or a juvenile. Children are becoming violent because of several factors. Often, both parents work so there is no one to keep an eye on the children when they return from school. Most are left to the care of uneducated domestic helps. (The old loyal breed of ayahs is now practically non-existent). They may be sent to “tuitions”, but they have no hobbies, do not read much and even when they play with friends they are unsupervised. The television is often used as a babysitter. Children watch two to three hours of TV a day unsupervised. Many of the serials and movies have adult content with sex, violence, stereotyping of women and lawlessness. They glorify a violent solution to everyday problems and often portray it as the only alternative. Authority is downplayed. Success needs to be achieved at any cost. The actors are seldom injured. Even when sustaining trauma or death, they mysteriously reappear in other episodes or different serials. The lines between the virtual and real world become blurred in the child’s mind. Blood and gore appear commonplace. The child becomes insensitised to violence and ceases to feel empathy for the victim. They may even begin to identify with the “villain”. Unfortunately, violence eventually ceases to horrify. It seems an ideal way to solve problems. The lines between right and wrong become blurred and the end appears to justify the means. Children as young as three or four may exhibit violent behaviour. Sometimes, the preschool may not report it. Even if it does, parents do not take it seriously. They blame the school, or feel that the child will grow out of it. A child in danger of developing violent behaviour has certain characteristics. He or she is impulsive, demanding, physically aggressive and throws temper tantrums if thwarted. He or she may destroy property and be cruel to animals. Violent behaviour is more likely to develop in children if there is marital discord, alcoholism or domestic violence. The child sees violence as a solution to problems and imitates elders. Also, alcohol may be available in the house, leading to experimentation, especially in older children. In these situations the lines between a genetic predisposition to violence and environmental factors like upbringing become blurred. If a child shows violent behaviour, excessive punishment or expulsion is not the solution, though it may keep other members of the school safe. The child needs evaluation and counselling. If the problem is alcoholism, marital discord and violence in the home, the parents need counselling and treatment. This may be difficult as they as adults have developed this pattern of behaviour with callous disregard for the consequences on their family or society. It is very important to spend time with children and monitor their movies, television programmes and computer games. It is important to not allow certain programmes or games, even if there is peer pressure and the oft-repeated complaint, “everyone else gets to watch it”. Limiting television viewing has other positive fallouts. Children have more time to study, read, play sports and pursue hobbies. Structured physical activity such as a game or sport and regular exercise helps to vent frustration and anger in a healthy fashion. Interest in sports means the child is likely to spend time outdoors. He or she is more likely to avoid cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. He or she also develops a sense of self- worth. They do not need to boost this with bullying or violence. As parents and caregivers, we can only lead by example. That means we too must give up violent programmes, exercise regularly and learn to peacefully co-exist with our families, neighbours and society. Dr Gita Mathai is a paediatrician with a family practice at Vellore. Questions on health issues may be emailed to her at yourhealthgm@yahoo.co.in